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Divorce isn’t only difficult for the spouses who are parting ways. It can also be an emotionally tumultuous time for children. As a parent, you may be wondering whether there is anything you can do to make this period of transition easier for your children. By keeping a few key tips for divorcing parents in mind, you can help ensure your child’s interests come first and reduce the stress they may be feeling.
Here are some essential tips for divorcing parents to keep in mind:
At every step of the divorce process, put the best interests of your children first. Their interests are paramount, not yours. Prioritize their emotional stability, keep their routines the same, and protect them from conflict. Reassure them that the divorce is not their fault and that both their parents love them.
Another vital tip for divorcing parents is: never badmouth your former spouse in front of the children. While children often see themselves as an extension of both parents, speaking badly about your former spouse can harm their self-esteem and sense of self-worth. It can also be seen as a form of parental alienation if the conduct is severe enough, and impacts your child custody case.
Do not use your children as messengers or ask them to spy on your former spouse. This can put children in the middle and make them feel like they have to choose sides. It can also cause a considerable amount of stress and anxiety for a child. The less your children feel like they are part of the battle between their parents, the better it is for them.
Regardless of your feelings toward your former spouse, encourage your children to spend quality time with them, as long as there are no issues that would place them in harm’s way. Do everything within your power to accommodate the visitation and promote a positive, meaningful relationship between your child and the other parent. This may mean being flexible sometimes with the visitation schedule. Frequent contact with both parents can create a supportive environment for your children and lead to a better co-parenting relationship.
Your children may try to act as your caretakers during divorce to ensure their own emotional needs are met and their parent is emotionally present. Do not let them assume this responsibility. Let your peers, adult family members, and mental health professionals be your counselors and sounding board. Let your children be children.
Going through a divorce is emotionally challenging. Don’t hesitate to seek the emotional support you need to navigate the process. In addition, if you have a drinking or drug problem, get counseling right away. An impairment inhibits your ability to reassure your children and give them the attention they need at this difficult time.
If you are the non-custodial parent, pay your child support on time. The loss of income facing many children after divorce puts them at a financial disadvantage that has a pervasive effect on the rest of their lives. If you are the custodial parent and you are not receiving child support, do not tell your children. It feeds into the child’s sense of abandonment and can further erode their sense of stability.
One of the most important tips for divorcing parents is: prioritize your children’s stability. If at all possible, do not uproot your children. Stability in their residence and school life helps buffer children from the trauma of their parents’ divorce. Try to keep their routines the same in both households, including the same mealtimes, bedtimes, and homework times. Encourage them to openly communicate about their feelings and make sure they know they can rely on you.
Rather than focus on the contentiousness you may be feeling toward your ex-spouse, focus on the well-being of your children. Communicate in a respectful, business-like manner, even if you are contentious. This is crucial to having an effective co-parenting relationship. Your children will also see your behavior and learn how to handle disagreements constructively. If you have difficulty communicating with your ex, consider using a co-parenting app to keep conflict at a minimum.
A detailed parenting plan ensures stability for your child and sets the framework for your co-parenting relationship. In your agreement, you should outline the custody schedule, including holidays and vacations, decision-making responsibilities, and the protocols for communication. A well-drafted parenting plan should also include provisions for transportation, financial responsibilities, and guidelines for modifications. While every parenting plan is customized to the needs of the family, an experienced divorce and family law attorney can help you create a legally enforceable plan that will put the best interests of your children first and foremost.
If you would like to learn more tips for divorcing parents to ensure your child’s best interests are met, a knowledgeable and compassionate divorce and family law attorney can best advise you. At Strickler, Platnick & Hatfield, we provide each of our clients with the time and attention they deserve as we help them navigate the divorce process and any child custody matters they may be facing. To learn more about how we can assist you with your divorce or family law matter, contact Strickler, Platnick & Hatfield to schedule a consultation.
We practice in Maryland, Virginia, and Washington, D.C.
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