Holiday Parenting Time Schedules

Ah, the holidays. Store windows twinkle with lights and glittering displays of gifts. Entire television channels are devoted to movies about finding romance under the gently falling snow. Family and friends gather around tables laden with holiday treats. And divorced or unmarried parents often have to rise, early and regretfully, from those tables in order to get their kids across town to the other parent “on schedule” according to their regular parenting plan. That’s why holiday parenting schedules are so important.

Why You Need a Holiday Parenting Schedule

Routine is important to children as well as to parents. Especially after a divorce, a routine for when children will spend time with each parent provides much-needed structure and a sense of stability. But the holidays are all about a break in the routine: no school, sleeping in, going to parties, and staying up past bedtime. And while the holidays often represent a switch-up from the day-to-day, they carry their own year-to-year rituals: Thanksgiving at Grandma Sylvie’s. Christmas Eve with the cousins on mom’s side. The Fourth-of-July parade and picnic in dad’s neighborhood.

Unfortunately, those cherished rituals don’t always fall in line with regular parenting schedules. No one wants to tell their child that they have to miss a once-a-year celebration that they’ve looked forward to for months because it falls during the other parent’s scheduled parenting time.

If you don’t yet have a final order for child custody and parenting time, consider creating a special co-parenting holiday schedule that will allow everyone to enjoy the most important holiday celebrations. And if you have an order that doesn’t take the holidays into account, you may want to consider working on adding a provision to account for holiday parenting time.

Creating a Holiday Parenting Time Schedule

If you want a holiday parenting time schedule, there are two ways to get one: reach an agreement with the other parent, or let a court impose a schedule. We think it is far better to work out your own plan. Not only is reaching agreement more cost-effective than going to court, but a judge does not know the intricacies of your family traditions. A court-created co-parenting holiday schedule may not take those traditions into account. And a court ordered holiday schedule is almost guaranteed to please nobody - not either parent, not the children, and not the extended families. If you and your co-parent can create your own holiday parenting schedule, you can arrange it to reflect the events that are important to you and your children, minimizing disappointment and disruption. Depending on your circumstances, there are a number of ways you can approach holiday parenting time. And while it is easier to manage if you and your co-parent live relatively close together, you can create a workable holiday schedule even if you live across the country. Some options include:

Splitting the Holiday in Half

This option obviously works best for parents who live near each other, and for holidays that lend themselves to day-long celebrations, like Christmas. If one parent’s family has a big Christmas Eve feast, and the other opens presents together on Christmas morning, creative planning can allow the children to enjoy both families’ traditions.

Another way to split the holiday is to have the children spend half of the school break period with one parent and the other half with the other. This can allow for more extended time for the children with each parent and their extended family.

Alternating Holidays

Alternating holidays can be a good option for parents who live far apart, or who have family celebrations that take place at the same time as the other parent’s. It means that the children won’t be able to celebrate Christmas Eve or Thanksgiving the same way with the same people every year, but it still offers predictability and the opportunity to participate in family traditions on a regular basis.

Alternating holidays can also involve switching off the more “minor” holidays every other year. For example, in one year, one parent may have the children with them for Memorial Day and the other parent has the children for the Fourth of July. The next year, they can switch.

Each Parent Takes Certain Holidays

It may make sense to alternate some holidays year over year, but sometimes it is important to celebrate certain holidays with each parent every year. For example, most holiday parenting schedules have the children spending every Mother’s Day with mom, and every Father’s Day with dad. (Families with same-sex parents may want to split these holidays: brunch with one parent, dinner with the other).

It may also make sense for each parent to choose holidays that their family celebrates, but that matter less to the other parent. For instance, if one parent’s family is Irish and always has a big St. Patrick’s Day dinner, and the other parent’s family has a family reunion picnic on Labor Day, the parents might want those meaningful days with the children every year.

Celebrating Twice

There are some holidays when the children may be with the other parent, but you want to celebrate with them, too. Plenty of families have a second Thanksgiving or Christmas celebration on a day other than the calendar date for the holiday. A second celebration doesn’t need to be formalized in your holiday parenting time schedule; it’s just a good way to make traditions and memories with your children.

Reaching Agreement on Holiday Parenting Time

You might agree that it’s a good idea to create a holiday parenting schedule, but not feel confident about the process of reaching agreement with your spouse or ex-spouse. Reaching an agreement, or adding to your existing agreement, doesn’t mean that you need to go back to court; there are other options for coming up with a resolution for conflicting holiday schedules.

If you are interested in creating a holiday parenting time schedule or need more holiday tips for parents, please contact Strickler, Platnick & Hatfield to schedule a consultation.