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We have a reputation as divorce litigators, so it might seem strange for us to be touting the advantages of divorce mediation. The truth is that we are in favor of whatever divorce process will best achieve our client’s goals in their divorce—and often, that involves resolution without a trial.
The advantages of divorce mediation are many, and if it turns out to be the right option for you, mediation can make your life easier not only during your divorce, but for many years after, especially if you are co-parenting with your ex-spouse. Let’s take a look at what divorce mediation may be able to do for you.
Divorce mediation is a voluntary and confidential process where a trained professional neutral helps guide the parties through discussion in an informal setting to an agreement both parties think is fair.
Experiencing the end of a marriage can make your life seem out of control. Divorce mediation can restore some of that control over what happens next. In litigation, you may have to put some of the most important aspects of your life into a judge’s hands: who gets the house, how and when you’ll spend time with your children, whether one spouse will pay alimony to the other, and how much.
But no judge can know your family or its needs like you do. Courts are most likely to arrive at a resolution that works for most families—but not necessarily for yours. With divorce mediation, by contrast, you and your spouse have the flexibility to think outside the box and arrive at creative solutions that work best for both of you and your children.
When you divorce through the court process, you are on the court’s timetable, which means your divorce may take a year or more. One of the advantages of divorce mediation is that in addition to having more control over the outcome, you have more control over the process as well. If you and your spouse are comfortable moving things along, there’s no need to delay; you may have your divorce completed in half the time it might take to litigate. On the other hand, if one of you needs more time, you can agree to slow the divorce mediation process.
Even if you’re not concerned about how long your divorce takes, chances are that you care deeply about how much it costs. While there is no guarantee that divorce mediation will cost less than a litigated divorce, it almost always does.
It makes sense, if you think about it. Your attorney is still there for you throughout divorce mediation, but there is less work for them to do, so fewer hours to bill. With divorce mediation, you not only avoid paying for court appearances, but for the many hours of discovery and trial preparation involved in litigating a case.
On average, a mediated divorce may cost from $3,000-$8,000, and a litigated divorce from $15,000-$30,000 - or much more. Of course, it may be more or less depending on your situation.
Litigation is, by its very nature, adversarial. The point is to “win” by persuading the judge to do what you want, rather than what the other party wants. At the end of the process, it’s not uncommon for there to be a lot of anger and bad blood between the parties. Not only is that hostility stressful, but it also makes for challenges if you and your ex-spouse need to work together to co-parent your children for years to come.
Divorce mediation, on the other hand, requires the parties to work together to reach a resolution. As a result, there is often less conflict in a mediated divorce. The process itself models how to work together and find solutions, which makes it a lot easier on you and your ex-spouse (and your children) during and after divorce.
The more satisfied you are with the outcome of your divorce, the less likely you will be to have to go back to court to have an order enforced or modified. Because you and your spouse are more deeply involved with crafting the terms of your divorce in mediation, you will probably both be more willing to abide by those terms than you might otherwise.
Not having to go back to court also keeps your stress and your expenses down—and the conflict resolution skills you developed during the mediated divorce process may help you resolve future disputes without litigation.
Reading about all the advantages of divorce mediation may have you convinced, but although there are many benefits to this process, that doesn’t mean that it’s right for everyone. Both spouses need to be able and willing to negotiate with each other; that’s not always possible.
For example, when one party wants the divorce and the other party is resisting it, the spouse opposed to the divorce may drag their feet, reschedule mediation sessions, and generally fail to cooperate. In such a situation, it may be better to have the structure of the litigation process to move things forward.
Spouses also need to have a level playing field to make divorce mediation work. If one spouse has more power in the relationship, such as where there is domestic violence, it may be difficult or impossible for the parties to bargain fairly with each other.
While divorce mediation is not right for everyone, it is an excellent option for many families. Before committing to litigation, it’s wise to consult with an experienced family law attorney about how best to proceed with your divorce. To learn more about the advantages of divorce mediation, as well as other divorce options, contact Strickler, Platnick & Hatfield to schedule a consultation.
We practice in Maryland, Virginia, and Washington, D.C.
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